Asking Jessica Alba out for a date

Ronnie asked me to do a voice over--- Ronnie Kahlil is working on Genius-- Check him and my other friends out The Miami Comics

LANGERADO HERE I COME!

So 2 years ago i went to a little 2 day music festival called Langerado-- The Flaming Lips were there ;). Last years line up pretty much sucked ass, but this year they are expanding it to camp outs and making it a 4 day event. That is not all, they are also including a WTF?!?! kind of line up -- I saw the line up today and I threw down 190 buckaroos but the line up is my wet dream - Such acts attending are: BEASTIE BOYS, R.E.M, 311, Matisyahu, Dr. Dog, The Roots, Arrested Development, Blind Melon, Ben Folds, Spam Allstars .....etc.....

Sometimes Mic, I wish I could quit you!

Flight of the Concords and Demetri Martin-- make me want comedy so bad!!!!
One Day, One Day , I will conquer my desire!

Job Interview Counter

Ding Ding : 15

Instant Interview with : The Patient Patient

QTqueenD: why is youtube soooo slow right now?
QTqueenD: my internet is lagggggggiiiinnnnngggg
backtothefutura: no clue
QTqueenD: and its making me anxious
backtothefutura: easy tiger
QTqueenD: by biological clock is ticking dont they know that?
backtothefutura: wow
QTqueenD: heh heh heh
QTqueenD: im going to do an online interview with the patient patient okay?
QTqueenD: post it in my blog
QTqueenD: you ready?
backtothefutura: sure
backtothefutura: im stoned so it wlll be insightful
QTqueenD: EXCELLENT
QTqueenD: sorry i had to get my fruit by the foot first
QTqueenD: So quick intro first off
backtothefutura: awesome
QTqueenD: Im Daleena here on aim with
QTqueenD: what was the name of your act again?
backtothefutura: the patient patient
QTqueenD: ah yes the patient patient
backtothefutura: the p squared for the hip kids
QTqueenD: oh is that what all the hipster cappuccino drinking kids are calling your musical act
backtothefutura: sadly thats just me
QTqueenD: I thought so
QTqueenD: So where did this name derive from?
backtothefutura: i was recovering from major surgery from the removal of a malignant tumor in my salivary gland in my mouth. spent three month alone in the house i grew up with learning patience in its strongest form. i was basically waiting for my life to begin again.
backtothefutura: grew up in*
QTqueenD: And i hear you were only 19 when this happened?
backtothefutura: 21 actually
backtothefutura: im not that young
backtothefutura: actually turned 23 last Friday
QTqueenD: Oh Happy Birfday, i just fired my writer.
QTqueenD: *Birthday
backtothefutura: thanks
QTqueenD: Thats still young.
QTqueenD: Who are your major influences?
backtothefutura: sound wise i really couldn't tell you. i love so many different kinds that i dont really know who is a direct inspiration. i find myself saying "oh i wanna write songs like that guy or i wanna hold notes longer that that guy." problem is, i say it to almost everything i listen to.
QTqueenD: Yeah, I can understand that
backtothefutura: i think the people who make me get off my ass and write are sufjan stevens, ryan adams, ray lamontagne, the flaming lips, iron and wine, better stop now...
backtothefutura: and boys to men
QTqueenD: I thought a maybe a little TLC but Boys to Men is pretty deep
backtothefutura: yea thats real music
QTqueenD: dont go chasing waterfalls changed my life
QTqueenD: *entire
backtothefutura: i had tickets to a tlc show WITH boys to men
QTqueenD: are we still joking?
backtothefutura: no im serious
backtothefutura: i was in 4th grade
QTqueenD: Hot Date?
backtothefutura: nope actually its was with this new kid in school who didn't know anyone yet
backtothefutura: we are good friends to this day
QTqueenD: Sounds like a serial murderer in training.
QTqueenD: or not.
backtothefutura: his parents were actually at the show on Sunday
QTqueenD: thats nice
backtothefutura: thanks boys to men
QTqueenD: chaning lives one day at a time
QTqueenD: what style of music has your usual theme been?
QTqueenD: I think a little Tom Waits'ish
backtothefutura: youd have to ask everyone else
backtothefutura: i know its music with every last bit of breath i have
QTqueenD: Better : Gummy bear or Sour worm?
backtothefutura: haribo golden bears
QTqueenD: Sour cream or Cottage cheese?
backtothefutura: neither both are fucking gross
QTqueenD: a cottage or a cabin?
backtothefutura: cabin
QTqueenD: Cabin fever or a neck biting zombie?
backtothefutura: nick biting zombie
backtothefutura: neck
QTqueenD: Dance fever or a fever of 112?
backtothefutura: Saturday night fever
QTqueenD: Travolta then or travolta now?
backtothefutura: then now hes a weirdo
backtothefutura: strange head shape
QTqueenD: and a dress
QTqueenD: yikes
QTqueenD: ever coming back to Florida?
backtothefutura: wow i had not seen that
backtothefutura: hopefully
backtothefutura: i never made it to Disney world
QTqueenD: I thought you were a make a wish kid?
backtothefutura: im one of jerry's kids
backtothefutura: we don't get shit
QTqueenD: no wonder your wiah ia taking so long
QTqueenD: wish*

QTqueenD: heh
backtothefutura: waiting for enough of those donation balloons to buy myself a slurpee
QTqueenD: are you dressing up for Halloween?
backtothefutura: i want to be bebop from the ninja turtles
QTqueenD: thats pretty F*ing awesome
QTqueenD: Im trying to be a robot
QTqueenD: Looks more like a Junkbot
backtothefutura: even better
backtothefutura: youre the kia of robots
QTqueenD: is that your abbrev for Ikea?
backtothefutura: no the car
backtothefutura: i love ikea
backtothefutura: swedes are awesome
QTqueenD: and capitalizing
QTqueenD: i took my mom to the new one here on Sunday and it was like Disney world , you had to park 2 miles away and take a trolley
QTqueenD: i was like FUCK THAT!
QTqueenD: This aint no Disney World
QTqueenD: and i wouldn't be caught dead in a trolley
QTqueenD: unless i was maybe in San Francisco eating Rice a Roni
backtothefutura: we have one here
backtothefutura: just for uptown Dallas
QTqueenD: ONE trolley
QTqueenD: ?
backtothefutura: yep
QTqueenD: One trolley in the whole state of Texas?
backtothefutura: no here in Dallas
backtothefutura: i cant account for the rest
QTqueenD: What does the future hold for The Patient, Patient ?
backtothefutura: the stage
backtothefutura: the rest is up to me
QTqueenD: I elieve in you Davie
QTqueenD: with a capital B
QTqueenD: So thats our interview
backtothefutura: thanks that was fun
QTqueenD: Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule
QTqueenD: hope we can do this in the future
backtothefutura: maybe face to face
QTqueenD: any last piece of advice for the aspiring david reddings of the world?
QTqueenD: In person would be lovely
backtothefutura: if it hurts its good
QTqueenD: Our next interview will be at a local Piccadilly's
QTqueenD: how about it?
backtothefutura: herb crusted talapia for all

Comedy Contest Time

A Penny For A Joke?

Last night was awesome! I'm going to start this entry with that sentence. I have been officially unemployed for close to 2 months (on the 27th it will be 2) So my well of $$dinero$$ is running dry --it really was not that full to begin with. Anywhoo, I have been working odd jobs and what not's to make some money in the meantime to pay for my bills. Last night My friend Hansen asked me to host a comedy show and I was all for it - I figure more practice stage time and i can get better. I have been doing comedy i guess i would say a total of 6 months, and i love every disastrous minute of it. I am trying to get a couple new open mic's going so I can get more stage time and do something valuable with my wasted time. Anyhow last night's comedy show was weak, there was barely anyone there but i kept energy up and i was goofin off on stage having a great time, I got a few laughs but it was pretty tough for us considering it's usually like that at most open mics. The end of the night comes around and Misty the bar manager hands me a white envelope with a neatly printed and correctly spelled name on it. I got paid for telling jokes!!! FUCK YEAH! I actually got paid for telling jokes, and if feels sooo amazing considering i do really need every penny i can get. One day it will completely pay off, in the meantime these little pennies here and there for my jokes really make it worthwhile and i feel appreciated. Last night was great I wrote 2 good new jokes, hosted a comedy shows with some friends, got paid, and had a chocolate chip milkshake with the love of my life. Sometimes i don't feel like such a giant loser.

Blast From The Past

So growing up I had an older brother and sister, and I was exposed at an early age to the trends of that moment. David, my big brother was caught up in the Break dancing trend and I can't say I was far behind. Sure I was only 5ish but I still remember the old Boom box and the movie that changed my life, so what if it was a shitty script and a weak ass plot. Move over "You Got Served", here is the original cheesy dance movie "Breakin"











CHECK THIS OUT!!! I FOUND THIS WHEN I WAS SNOOPING AROUND THE 'BREAKIN' ARCHIVES. CAN YOU GUESS WHO THIS IS?





Carlton post Silver Spoons--- who knew he was a triple threat.
19.99 for a Breakin Board, Rap Sheet, Instructional Book, Instruction Poster, AND double album with the RIGHT kind of music, dam! That is quite the old school deal!

Ideas for an Idea

I need ideas for columns in Newspaper Tabloids like Weekly World News
So far i have:
Horoscopes
Bigfoot sightings
U.F.O sightings
Natural Catastrophes
Pregnancies and Odd Births
Advice


any more ideas?..??

New Beastie Boys Video

Check out this video: Beastie Boys "Suco de Tangerina"



Add to My Profile | More Videos

Britney Spears Found Dead in a Las Vegas Strip Club

Britney's weight is not that bad it's her shitty talent finally coming up to the surface. It's great to see that her weight gain can put an emphasis on what a piece of crap she was to begin with never mind the 500 shitty career moves she made. I can't wait till Britney commits suicide, it will be th next best thing to Anna Nicoles Death.




Every bad thing I said about Sarah Silverman -- I take back.....Well at least 78 percent of it.

Cretino

Still Unemployed

Only I DO have a car payment, and I do have an insurance payment, and i do have bills from a recent trip to NYC to recoup. The Depression is starting to kick in, i want a job without all the responsibilities of having one. I want to work for a reputable company that lets me express myself artistically--how real is that? Reputable Company and Artistic Expression are not 2 ideas that go hand and hand. Suck a dick-- Corporate America. I havn't sucked on the teet of America for a while, the last time i was in a corporate atmosphere i worked for Hard Rock, but the order and organization is something i yearn for, I rather go by corporate guidelines on a job than the ever "Here is all this shit-- figure it out" gig. I want to be alone. I can't sit here for a brief amount of time without Mommy dearest ducking her head in and asking a million and one questions that are unnecessary. What did you eat? Did you cal (insert name here)? What do you do on that computer so much?
Temporarily sleeping for a couple days might be the ticket here.

maybe pull a Disappearing Act

Hialeah Homeboy Hullabaloo

I can't even talk about shit in Spanish round here anymore. It's getting to a point where I start talking secret stuff in Hialeah around Blacks and they turn around and speak it better than I do and Im like awwe Fuck. I can even handle that, it's kind of refreshing- one giant minority being Black and Hispanic. The actual worst is when I want to talk trash about some "Gringo"and the "Gringo" ends up having had lived in Hialeah over 38 years and speaking it better than I do. Bro, I can't even Dam the man in Spanish anymore in Little Havana.

Word Up!

Cause we're thorough in the boroughs and that's a must

" Dear New York this is a love letter
To you and how you brought us together" -B.B








Im back from the city that keeps giving me hope. When i visit i see people i would never share a spoon with but i befriend people i would loan a kidney to. The homeless people i met have sucked my bank account dry, cause in the city i don't have a trusty car to simply roll my windows up and pretend im concerned with the radio station in. This trip was particularly kick ass, I actually accomplished something. DO YOU HEAR THAT WORLD?!? I FUCKIN DID SOMETHING!!!!!
I took an Improv class at UCB and it was ever so impressive. I gained so much knowledge and had so much fun doing it. Some years back I took Improv in college but i choked on our final performance day, something about it terrified me. I planned on revisiting that and kicking the fear to the curb, I mean i started doing stand up 4 months ago and nothing was as scary as the build up to that. This class was amazing!!! My peers and my teachers were all so interesting, supportive and forgiving. Every moment was a riot, even when i was totally off my game and kicking myself about it. I wish i can click my heels and be in lvl 2, but i guess i have to wait till Jan. to go back for that. To anyone who is interested in taking classes at UCB -- I highly recommend it, but i also advise you to keep an open mind and be willing to act out ridiculous situations.





I also did some open mics whilst in New York, they were very interesting I had a fellow Floridian comic who was hooking it up with room info. I did fairly well considering that my material is still weak, I know i have a lot of work to do on my jokes so i wasn't expecting much. It did open my mind to how many American Idol Comics are out there and how many more disciplined comics there are, it makes my dead grandmother weep. I need to dust myself off and come out swinging hard, Im not down with just doing open mics out here in FLA I need to step my game up and come out swinging.

I also had a Push up sold at Gristedes it was AWESOME.

AND ate Irish Nachos and Drank German beer with my brother.

It was worldly.













When I first arrived there was a party already in session on the rooftop of one of my favorite 305'ers and was accompanied by the residents of my favorite place in Astoria.

New York showed me how to really Get Psyched!

Latest Comedy

Here is Demetri Martin at summerstage in central park.
My Favorite!

Spelling be Jerk gets it!

This is too funny, i can only imagine what a little nightmare he is.

Im addicted

So venturing around for the next album Robert should get on his music club we found ROYKSOPP
and researching their stuff has made me drool with excitement. Here are a few Jewels for your viewing pleasure. Ohhh i almost forgot they are the ones that did the geico caveman song-- the original is much better. Here ya go:






HUZZAH!

Comedy Panel at SX SW

A panel featuring David Cross (Arrested Development, Mr. Show), Zach Galifianakis (Comedians of Comedy, Dog Bites Man), Jon Wurster (Superchunk, Best Show on FMU), Henry Owings (Comedians of Comedy, Chunklet Magazine), Andy Earles (Just Farr A Laugh, Magnet Magazine "Where's The Street Team?") and Tony Kiewel (A&R Sub Pop Records) discussing comedy on the indie circuit. The panel is headed up/curated by Bob Mehr from the Commerical Appeal.
Here are the Vids.


Get the follow ups here

It's The Beastie Beastie Boys

Beatsie Beatsie Boys gettin live on the spot
Puttin all kinds of shame in the game you've got
We keep the party movin to the broad day light
g.e.t.l.i.v.e. alright

They are back and instrumental, on tour and getting involved. I saw the beasties on the Live Earth Special last night that aired on NBC. Here it is uncut:






Here are two new Videos from the new album:









Im super sad they haven't scheduled any dates in my town but i will continue to cross my fingers.
I also daw transformers this weekend (which was awesome!) and i believe the camaro (bumblebee) at one point sounded like a lyric performed by Ad Rock, if anyone gets that info holler at me -- I could have sworn i heard Ad Rock.

A Tasty Music Vid

My asshole friends on the stand-up comedy myspace group i belong to, are not all assholes all the time. Sometimes I get lucky, like this jewel provided by a fellow named Monday Curse.
I really HATED Neil Hamburger till this saved it.

Call me fat all you want captain obvious it just goes to show your lacking in originality, in fact I will do it for you so you wont have to waste your breath. I am overweight, not the bed ridden morbidly obese kind that even wearing the largest drape of a shirt still has their fannypack of mash potatoes and gravy peeking out through the bottom. I am the pretty girl who could stand to lose 50 Lbs and be smokin hot--- Ive done it before I can do it again but i will always struggle with the weight. One thing i have noticed recently since i have gotten into comedy is the poor excuse for an a attempt at a compliment. I am a comedian I don't need any pity comming from the dick department, there are dildos smarter than alot of these men that are as tactful as a 8 year old autistic kids. If you ever catch a female comedian and you think she is funny, don't think you are complimenting her by telling her she is funny for a girl asshole. I could sit here all day and rip on the shithead dicks that sit there and think they are doing me a favor by telling me they would still fuck me although i have excess back fat but i seriously have better things to do like work at a reputable non-profit organization and look up videos on the internet of pugs dressed as ballerinas on their hind legs.

The Bonnaroo I didn't attend

So I attended Bonnaroo last year and was blown away by the whole experience. So many infusions of the best acts on earth surrounded by anything goes full on Imagination. Caravaning with friends and running from stage to stage creating an eclectic mixed tape in living color. Exploring comedy, music, lights, colors, and giant strategically placed "human traps" with your pals and a few hallucinogens. This year I could not attend this amazing event for personal reasons or "responsibilities". I live vicariously this year through my friends that went and through all the wonderful videos provided by the youtube community.
So I present to you....... THE BONNAROO I DID NOT ATTEND:



I saw the Flaming Lips for my b-day this year and had the pleasure of being up close to this fun and life changing band-- never miss them.

So a friend of mine was in the NY airport and got to meet Nick Kroll, so im jealous and
Nick Kroll = Super Talented oily bohunk with mad skills son, Word!


Ok Tool--- I saw them before Bonnaroo whtvr like i need to explain the wholesome goodness of tool.



Here are some pictures I didn't take:


The fucking Roots














The Decemberists


.
Some fat stoned guy














Wow! I even got to see Ben Harper hanging out it was awesome!

Ok so sour i am. Just a bit, I can't go any further because everytime i see a Girltalk video or Demetri Martin Video from Bonnaroo i want to cry like a little baby. Anyhow i hope you got to go.
Love,
Daleena

Confronting Oncomming Traffic.

Saturday evening at about 9:30 pm Me and my significant other were on our way to go to a friends for his birthday. We were ready to have a good time and happy to be in each others company, driving down I75 approaching the exit for 826 . In an instant a champagne colored SUV clips us off-- it seemed a product of a blind spot and careless driving. I will announce this lucky contestants tag number in a second, anyhow the SUV clips us -Robert slams on the brakes and we swerve to the right (where the grass and median was) and then the car swerves to the left and we go skidding across I-75 across 4 lanes in the middle of the oncoming traffic.

A vehicle traveling in that direction slams on the brakes but not hard enough (I have heard many accounts of stories where people feel this "feeling" before they almost die, whether it be they're life flashing before your eyes or a serene feeling--- the only feeling i had when my mind and body prepared to get hit was "OH SHIT!") he hits the drivers side door. OK, it hits us but not as hard as we clenched are teeth for, we turn back and the motherfucker who clipped us to begin with somehow ends up behind the car that hits us we turn back and start signaling him to stop, he takes off FLORIDA LICENSE PLATE T10R1F-- so we speed up take his tag down and pull off to the side to see how the other car is.
The only language these people speak is Spanish so in my nervous wreck of state I'm in i start thanking God and telling them how glad i am that we are all OK (i have never been in an accident in Florida where the driver of the opposing car speaks English- granted i speak Spanish but Jesus Christ man!)
I spend 13 minutes HOLDING on the phone for Florida highway patrol--- I'm glad i was not hemorrhaging from the head. The other car says nothing is wrong with their car they were all OK , they look like they were ready to go party (the 4 ppl in the car looked about 48) so they decided to leave and I felt OK with that--- we exchanged numbers. 25 min later the Police arrive and the Haitian dude tells us basically that the guy who caused the accident had not been hit therefore it was his word against ours and the others who had been involved in the accident should not have left because it was against the law and they needed to be there to talk about the accident. Needless to say we did not file a report because it would not benefit us in anyway and we would still have to pay for car damages because of his deductible and we didn't want his rates to go up.
Monday happens and one of the people in the car decides to call me to check out how we were doing and to get info on the events that took place afterwards to whatever police report info we had because er back was hurting and she needed to tell her insurance. TOO BAD SO SAD BITCH! You should have stuck around if you wanted any proof of what happened, I'm actually kind of happy that we did not report anything because we don't need them changing up and having us pay for whatever expenses they need.
Robert has already spent 860.00$$$$ on repairs not including the body work on the car.